lol

thiS place seems like a haven for me. a tell-all haven tht is. haha.. but recently i've had ntn to tell until ytD. work work work.. frenS went overseas together, do ntn.. but of cos there are some gd pntS to draw frm. got to noe new ppl and they are all so nice! colleagues like ben, san poR. den frm san por got to noE jesS. ytD was hell of a day for mE. the nite ended quite early but i was satisfied. drank and got drunk. got a big huG frm nurul(her first leh.. so honoured. haahaa..). i was said to be slping soundly whilE zhenyi created havoc outside. hahaha... and i really mean HAVOC. eat tree leaves and firecrackers. and well, romancing. all i've got to say is his opposite number is, err, really opposite of him. hahaha.. woke up thiS morning wif a real bad hangover. vomitted like hell.but i was happy. hahaha... i guess im sick la. and for the rest of thiS week i've no work!! yay! bosS scolded me. sian. hahaha.. lol.. i tink to be content is somethin everyone muz cultivate.. content..

its been a long time

thiS place is like an outlet for me. it takes every single of my whining, outbursts, anger wif a pinch of salt. makes me feel so much better. its like an imaginary companion.. and now, its gonna hear more of these nonsense... im feeling loW. really low.. im giving up on her.. its the third gerl im giving up on after my last relationship.. it sucks...

how to be happier?

read my blogs entries one after another and u woulD feel dat im a rather moody persoN. well, i wouldn't disagree. today, im happy. its difficult to explain. words juZ arent the right tools to use to Xplain. my bRos woulD noe. so for noW, everybody! come on noW! do it after mE! wave ur hands in the air! whoOhoO! *siaO* nitEz ppl! nitEz manda...

here'S my resultS!

wah! like match the 4D noS lidat! but believe me im not sad, neither am i happie abt iT of coz. but quite happiE, seen my mEimeiS and all my classmateS today. took picS with whoeva i saw. haha! so much fun! miss those days. wasted i din take the initiative to make more freNS. nvm, there will come onE day when i can get to noe them all better. so, here it goes!

Maths: 8
Combined Humans: 7 (sori ah, but testis reminded me i din pass my Humanities. argh. )
Science: 8
Chinese: 4
Eng:1

Ng HL see liao aso say: "I duno whether to be happie for u or sad la. onE word 'wasted'"

come to tink of it, i agree la. but its ok.
route to choose: priv O for my Eights, ITE, or commit suicide. haha!


anyway i went to 3 polys today: Ngee Ann, Republic, and Nanyang.

Ngee Ann: err.. i tink u better look arnd for any courses available. the chances are slim but u can try. but remember at the same tiMe, apply for ITE. u might wanna retake O's as a private candidate.

Republic: sure sure! these are the courses available! get a Q number and u can apply for the courses onliNE using the laptops.

Nanyang: I tink u cant make it. the onli way is Direct Admission......... dun hesitate to apply for ITE too. (But i dowan to go there leh.)

haha... wad a joke la. those poly dun haf wad i finally decided dat i like: Sports-Related Management. ok la.. time to go play bbalL!

great....

hoW nice! got thrown outta Ikea by my boSs. heh. thiNgs jUZ gets better all the timE. im lovin it. juZ bcoz i haf a few lines on my head and he cant bcoz he has irreversible reciding hairline, he tinks i shuldnt haf anyhoW get patternS on my head. fool. damn. maybe i shuld take a look at myself. iziT dat bad? hmmm.. nahZ.. quite stylO wad.. argh. cant be bothered. tml going to work again. will be seeing his face. damn. i shall go slp it off. or wadeva there is which is near wad i said. argh.

something better go my way soon....

after such a day wif miXed emotioNS, i cant heLp buT feel so weird....

11AM: its time to send my ah ma on her last jouRney... the atmosphere was rather relAxeD.. everyonE seem to accept the fact dat she'S gonE... UNTIL the riteS started.. mY moM'S eyES were getting moist, my auNt was sobbinG so louDly, my elDest aunT was weepIng...

1PM: everyoNe settlEd doWn, wif my aunt still sobBIng. couLD understand why she waS so emotiOnal; she was the oNE my granDma dotEd on the most when thEy were YouNG. tinKIn back, i couLD onli try to hoLD bacK my teARs.. thE wAlk staRTS, and it seemEd it eNdeD too fASt.. and before we boarded tHE buS, i realiseD there was a motorcade folLOWiNg behinD... tHE mooD oN the buS was soLemn and quiet. everYoNE seemed so sAd. i couLD understand wHy too...

2pm: reached the crematoriuM. everything seemed so peacefuL. felt liKe she wouLD feel better bEing there. tHE lasT ritEs arE bEing doNE..

2:30PM: everyoNe was askEd to proceed to a smAller hall, where everyOnE can witness thE crematiOn. whEn we reacHEd tHEre, mY aunt started wailIng. thIS timE rouND, i diN say anytHIn. i den tolD my mUm: "DUN YOU CRY AH..." counter-effective, she started weepiNg. lookEd arND and i saw my eldest aUnt, my aunt-in-law and my cuZs sobbiNG. i couLD onli consolE them. teArS were threateniNg to roll doWn my cheekS, bUT i hEld them back anyway. There must be someone calm to help out. coffin was den prepared to be cremated. wad my aunt said really had an effect on me;

"Mother... I lost my father already... nOW u are gonE... ah ma.. dun go iN... no... dun buRn her... noooo..."

it really played on my miND for a loNg time. tHE climAX was when my grandma was sent into tHE raging fires. mY mum was so distraught she couLDnt stand properly. my aunt had to be helpEd. suppressing my emotioNS was so difficuLT. i hate it, but i had to....

rEsted at hM foR awhiLe b4 i decided i shuLD let oUT somE stress. met frnS buT no opponents to play against. went toh guaN, played, and lost. ntn gD goes my way nowadayS. noW i juZ feel like im a cloWn. luffinG n lUFFing. i nv, in my life, said before that life suX, and i dun like to say it. bUt im beginning to fel dat way....

everything has flip side

she left.....

1:30am. was chatting wif my best budS when a white figure flashed past my rooM. my hair stood on its end and i had a feeling dat it was an ominous sign...

5:10am. mom was rushing and was making a whole lot of noise in the house. woke up and saw her standing outside my rooM. "Grandma's in critical condition, i've gotta go there now. go slp."

6:20am. cuZ called, and with an almost monotonous tonE, she said: "come here noW."
"why? wad happened??"
"grandma's not gonna make it..." she was sobbing terriblY by thEn...
i was at a loss. i din noE wad was happening. i came to realise i wun be able to see her anymore. i got ready in record time and went for the first cab which came my way.

7:05. cuz called again.. and she told me somethin which i most dreaded.. "Granny'S gone...."
the movements on the outside of the cab couldnt be faster.....

7:40am. i din noE how to present myself to the others.. i din wanna let them worry abT me.. headed straight to the ward.. her bed was enclosed by thE curtainS.. went rouND it... there she was.. lying there peacefully.. her facial expressionS had no signs of wad happened during the final minS of her life.. she looked so peaceful.. so serene... her face was slightly bloated.. her lipS were so pale.. buT she was so beautiful.. my most beloved grandmA.. she was the onLi grandma i had.. yet i din even get to see her for the last timE... she din even wait for mE.. she din even wait till i coulD make it in life so as to provide for her... i oNli saw her for 15 minS the last timE.. i coulDnt even do somethin to shoW my love for her...

women sucKS.. outta 3 of the most impT women in my life, two left me for gD.. i miss u grandma...